Mingling with the crowd...

hmm... went for supper with the PT folks early this morning... late last night... whatever... in fact.. had a series of dinner outings this week already... but somehow i still feel that i cant mingle with them as well as i wish... even though i go for more outings... but somehow the feeling of closeness between them and Jun vs me and them is still vastly different... perhaps i am not as approachable or likeable? i do want to be more enthu and speak up more.. but everytime i just cant find the right words to express.. and it turns out all wrong... hmm... there's an ease of comfort when you are with friends but when i am with them, i constantly feel strain/ drained to find words to use... it really is mentally draining... wonder how much longer i can last... pretending that everything is fine and i am happy... wonder how much longer i can sustain this way of life...

p/s Colin's bday today... JS's was on 9th nov...