~HI, NUS~

Hmm... school started today once again... back on the same bus, travelling to the same route, seeing the same old faces even though i still dunno who they are... each time school reopens, i secretly hope that i'll be able to do better with my grades... more of the 'A's and no 'C's... each time the sem ends... i secretly re-dress my wounds and try to laugh it off... tired of this routine... but guess it's always my fault... even though i tell all that i'm too far away from the honours and look at ease with dat fate... but now, i really wish i can make it for honours... a sudden desire to put on the fang mao and take nice photos with my parents... it's just the least that i feel that i can do for them... even though studying is not for your parents blah blah but for yourself... i am still very far from this hope... and i dont know if i'll get anywhere by trying... at this moment, i just hope it'll last... enough to keep me fighting...

oh.. new news... wendy is attached... haha... congrats to her... wonder who's the lucky guy... she's really a fantastic pal... hmmm, but let's be honest, at the same time... i feel a bit sad... one more friend who'll have her own dates to go to... and why my long wait? hmm... sometimes tired of taking the same ride home or out... alone... and there are just endless couples out there... hmm... make me feel wierd, out of place... like i dont belong anywhere... but i guess there's nothing i can do about it...

hmmm... think i'm getting increasingly quiet at xanga... dunno... feel like i'm writing there to wait for some response or comments... dont think that should be the way?! need to revise my writing attitude... juz read my friends' blog... hmm... feel a bit sad when me as a friend, cannot detect their mood, sadness especially... am i a lousy friend... cant differentiate whether i'm sad at the fact that i couldnt tell or whether they didnt tell... but sometimes i dont tell too so cant expect them to say everything right? sometimes things are hard to express... to tell would appear wierd... to ask would be invading... so i dont tell and i dont ask... haha... maybe that made me harder to interact with others... during dance/tkd, i would always feel out of place or alone... why am i always so out of the circle?

have to confess... i'm lonely... perhaps zi zhao de... choose to reject friends' invitation for gatherings... hmm... am i being unappreciative of those true friends? need more time to think about it...