hmm... back from a dance camp... it was four days long... pretty tiring... suffered about three bruises on my knees... made new accquaintances i guess... wouldnt consider them friends... too distant... as a group leader, i didn't really have to stay with them throughout their cheoreography, games etc.. so lacked a bit of bonding there... as for bonding... i dunno if i was any closer to my batch people... cant tell the difference... most of my batch people joined the committee... i didnt.. wasnt up to the challenge, couldnt face the likely defeat at the elections then as well... plus i had a lot of committments.. taekwondo... thought i would still be in the arts club as well... think deejay club was one of my worries at that point of time too... now?! my worries are dance, chingay, taekwondo, and maybe the urban escape... feeling pretty pissed cos both the practice dates for chingay clashes with taekwondo trainings... wondering how to make the best out of the situation... reluctant to miss both events... pus taekwondo will have grading soon... really want to do well in taekwondo... it has become something like a goal to achieve... to prove my worth, or maybe just to add to my collection of capabilities so that i can match up to my bros... cant figure that out.. or perhaps i'm just unwiling to face up to truth? anyway.... yeah... dun want to appear slack on either sides... it's quite a headache... will need to think about it again... sigh...

anyway, i've sorta become a writer on the net? hmm... just using some words to express my thoughts or feelings... but really haven't been pretty successful... stuck on words sometimes... couldnt attempt longer essays too... lacked the theme, story and stamina... wonder if i'll ever become good enough... hope so... writing has become part of my interest... think that i live in a fantasy world myself... living with fictitious characters... talking to myself in the bathroom, to my soft toys last time.. (but now they are all dirty and collecting dust.. think to give them a wash sometime soon...) yep... guess that's one of my ambitions... used to want to become a vet so that i could treat my pet... a dog preferably... it's kinda an illusion that i'm very pet-loving?! truth is when i meet bigger animals or animals likely to bite or scratch you... i still shun away... how can i be pet-loving that way??! yeah... concluded that it was all another appearance put up by me? is there a possibility that i'm not so evil? maybe i really am a kind soul, just a timid one... hmm... dunno.. seems like cancerians do have tendency to self-reflect a lot...

now that exams are over... i worry about my results... dunno wat's the extent of the blow... trying to prepare myself for any shock... hope to continue with jap lang actually, dun wish to give it up... dunno if i am silly, always sticking to interests with no sense of practicality... stuck with history in secondary school despite the low marks... and now, i'm sticking to jap even tho i seriuosly dunno wat i can do when i graduate... honours is an impossible dream for me now... wonder if i should fang xia honours and concentrate on modules which i am interested in now... this means that i will take subjects which i am interested in regardless of the cap scores... hmm.... another dilemma...

anyway, will be back in camp on monday again... wondering when i'll drop by again.... quite pleased that xanga is taking up so much attention... so that i may be slightly more truthful here... actually, even though i say that i want to be more truthful here, i dun exactly knoe wat i should be truthful about... guess when the time comes, i'll let myself know again huh.... see ya... (*_^)/