hmm...i've been really lazy in blogging... feel guilty at times for being not so constant... with everything, work, home, friends... it's as if i lack the perserverance to get things done.... which is why despite being alone in taekwondo...i still insist on joining... it's like a gamble with myself... to see if i can go against all odds, to become a fighter in real life... and maybe just because i didnt want to lose out to my brothers... i had done better in my studies... but somehow that has caused a rift between me and my family members.... which is why i'm usually not happy when people say i'm the gem at home... "you are the cleverest" etc.... i'm really stupid... or maybe i've been reformed by myself to adopt a passive mode so that i would not stand out... being better than others aint always good... on the other hand... this may be just excuses for my own stupidity..... i dunno... dont think i want to bother finding out anyway..... cos it's a chicken and egg question... so why try so hard for a few more white hair and sleepless nights...

anyway.....somebody just introduced me to this xanga site... guess there'll be more competition for blogs in the future... but i really hope to be consistent... at least i'll remember my life better....